We had our sheparding group today and for the most part, I really enjoyed it.
Several of our group asked for prayers for their mothers who were facing illness.
I found myself wanting to cry.
I held it in - until I left and then I cried in my car. I cried and cried and cried.
I have only seen my own mother once in the last 25 years.
After growing up having been molested by her and physically tortured by her, I chose to remove myself from her life when she molested several of her grandchildren that lived nearby her.
I didn't want my own children to be hurt by her.
I have gone through many stages of anger, hate, and then forgiveness toward her. I now find myself praying for her soul - praying that she will turn to the Lord before she dies.
I have been having nightmares about her several times every week. This has been going on for 3-4 months. This has been very difficult for me. It makes the entire day a bit rough for me.
If you read this, please pray for me and for my mother.
As a mother myself, I have striven to be the best mother I can be and yet I have failed in so many ways. I am thankful that my own children are better parents than I was. We all have a responsibility to do the best we can and I am so proud of both of my children because they are wonderful parents to their own children.
I thank God for my children and for my grandchildren.
6 comments:
Saying a prayer for you and your mom. I am amazed at the past you've come from, because you're such a strong, loving woman. You taught Michael so many wonderful things about how to be a husband and a daddy, and you inspire me to be a better mommy to my own boys. I wish I were there right now to give you a big hug. Love you.
I am so grateful for God's gift of forgiveness so we can strive to forgive others.
I will certainly be praying for you and your mother. As a friend of your daughter, I can say that I have always admired you and your family. Rachel has always been a dear friend to me, through thick and thin, and I treasure her friendship. As her mother, you need to know that you did a marvelous job. You raised her in an environment where she could be surrounded by loving, Christian people. None of us are perfect, but God can and does use us, just as we are, to glorify Him and increase His Kingdom. Love you! May He grant you a measure of peace, comfort, and direction regarding the nightmares and what He would have you do.
I have to add to my previous comment. You should be incredibly proud that you were able to break that cycle and begin a new heritage for your children and their children. You really should be so very proud to watch your children raise your grandchild. You had a significant hand in that, ya know, by stopping the old patterns and beginning the new ones.
grandchildren...I meant grand"children"...plural.
Thank you - each one of you for your comments.
I appreciate them more than my words can adequately express.
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