My kids will be visiting very soon and I am so happy. My daughter and her two boys will be here next weekend and my son and his wife and two boys will be here in early June. I love my kids. I love their spouses. I LOVE my grandsons!! I have loved getting to know them and watching their individual, amazing personalities develop.
I've also been blessed with good friends but lately I haven't felt like a good friend. I just read a blog post that seemed as if the writer was reading my mind. As much as I wish they were my words and I could put them here, I'll have to settle for you going to her blog to understand. Read #6.
School is ending soon and while I love my job, I can't wait!!! This year I am more tired here at the end of school than I remember being any other year. I didn't work when my kids were young, in fact I got my college degree exactly 20 years after my high school degree, almost to the day. When I leave school each day, I ignore my plans and drive straight home. I miss my friends from Wednesday small group but I seem unable to force myself to go out again. It's been weeks!!
I am still sad about my legs. It seems ridiculous when I consider the facts. For 5 years I have needed to use my wheelchair for any distance beyond the length of a room. I was used to it and never gave it a second thought for years. I have a scooter for around town and a motorized chair for work so what's the problem? Well, for almost 3 months, I had not needed a wheelchair at all. I was able to walk the entire distance of our school over and over. I could walk several blocks and not have a problem. It happened gradually. I was at school and my legs felt stronger so I walked the distance from my office to one classroom and back. The next day I did it several times then it increased daily until I was walking all over our campus. I began walking into restaurants, stores, etc. It was great and I never felt like my legs were giving out on me - until the middle of April. One morning as I was walking around my house, I could feel that my legs were getting heavy again. I tried not to worry, surely it won't last long. It's been 3 weeks now.
Think about it! I had limited use of my legs for 5 YEARS, so what's the big deal? I already have the scooter and motorized chair. The three months were a gift. Be grateful and move on!! I think I've done that until I mention it or someone at school asks about my legs.
It's not that I don't realized how blessed my life has been.
It's . . . well it's, . . . um . . . I'm not sure what it is, I just hope I get over it and move on.
That's been my mantra all these years-- take time to grieve, assess the situation, decide what I CAN do, do it, and then move on.
Maybe I just needed to put it down in words.
1 comment:
I loved the fact you were up and moving around without the wheelchair. I am sad for you that you are back to your chair. I totally agree with you about grieve and move on. Do what we can. It's funny as sisters we both tend to look at negative issues in our life the same. I love you and don't tell you nearly often enough. I am soooo very proud of you and the way you handel yourself and your life.
Becky
Post a Comment