I love you Nanna!

Rachel brought the boys for a visit several weeks ago and I am just now posting about it. She was very brave to drive here by herself with two little ones and I am a very grateful Nanna.

As she pulled in, I walked out and waved at the boys in their car seats. Caleb is old enough that he remembers me between visits. Ethan recently turned a year old and I didn't expect him to remember me from our last visit but he had just a hint of a smile and locked eyes with me through his window. I knew I would be pushing it to get him out of the car so I waved to him and then went to help Caleb out of the car.

One of my first thoughts (which I did not say aloud) was, "I really hate that after such a long drive, I can't even help Rachel bring in her things". We all went inside and after a little while, I was perfectly happy to entertain both boys while she unloaded the car. Ethan, however, was not going to let his mama out of sight. She tried to slip out and and we all followed Ethan as he trotted after her and wailed indignantly for her to come back.

If I had thought fast enough, I'm sure I could have diverted Ethan's attention with the offer of food. He is still the most amazing little eater. Even if he starts before everyone else, he is likely to be asking for more as everyone else finishes. He has eyes like an eagle for spotting any possible portion of food anywhere on the table or counter and if he thinks it's something that we haven't yet offered to him, he immediately points, looks plaintively at each of us while he says "dat" or "more" or "please". What's really funny is when he's just finished a meal and someone else is just beginning or is eating a snack. He isn't hungry but he loves to eat so he will ask and keep asking. I told him it was up to his mama. (I didn't have the heart to tell him no).

Here is Ethan asking to eat again and it hasn't been very long since dinner.

Ethan just adores Caleb he wants to do whatever Caleb is doing. I spent a lot of time on the floor playing with both boys and reading. I had brought paint home so we could paint rocks and Ethan was happy as long as he had a paint brush and a rock. He didn't notice the lack of paint. Caleb loved mixing all the colors with each rock he painted. We had lots of fun.  Caleb had fun discovering the push/pull characteristics of magnets.

By the 2nd day, Caleb was cuddling with me and more than once said, "Nanna, I really love you". Yep, it melted my heart. I was totally taken by surprise however, when Ethan ran up and hugged me. I looked at Rachel and I realized at the same moment that she said it, "Ethan wants to do whatever Caleb does".  I didn't care, it was just so sweet.

We went to a nearby playground one afternoon. Here are some of the highlights.
All little boys are drawn to puddles like a magnets and these guys were no different. Caleb began throwing rocks into the puddle and of course,  Ethan wanted to be big like his brother so got his own rock to toss in the puddle. Caleb loves to kick a soccer ball so after he kicked the ball, Ethan gave it all he had to try to reach the ball before Caleb could retrieve it. I love it that Ethan is always so proud of his effort even if he doesn't succeed! We had such a good time. Grandkids are one the great blessings of life.

Finding the ? ? to blog

I had such big plans for my blog when I began. I would write at least every other day and tell about my experiences, struggles, victories, and joys. I can't even claim that I don't have time because it's been more about interest -- well not really interest, how can I put it?

If you have a blog you will probably understand. Some days I think about posting and my thoughts just don't seem important enough so I put it off and before I know it weeks have passed.

Therefore, I will begin again and let my mind wander, my thoughts form, and my fingers type. Dan and I visited Rachel and Marcus over spring break and we watched the movie, "Fireproof". It's story could have mirrored my marriage or yours -- it's message was one many of us have learned over the years, but few have put into action.

We who have endeavored to navigate the complex issues of the marriage relationship realize over and over that no one can honestly claim to have arrived at the solution. A successful marriage is not a destination but an ongoing process.

We have been married for 31 years and I am still amazed at the things we learn about each other. If I were asked to pick one piece of marriage advice I would borrow the words of George S. Benson as he was often heard to say in his raspy voice, "You just need to keep on keeping on". He was talking about life but it surely fits marriage too.

Keep on keeping on. Simple words, and yet at times an almost insurmountable challenge.

My husband has supported me in so many ways. I hope I can do justice as I try to put it into words.

Around 1990 (or shortly after) I began to struggle with depression, anxiety, self-doubt. I was so unhappy and I was sure my husband was the source of pain. I can smile now as I look back. I was determined that we were going to counseling and he was "going to get fixed". He reluctantly accompanied me and I was unpleasantly dismayed after a few weeks of visits when the counselor gently suggested that I had some issues we needed to address first. Dan was off the hook and didn't even have to come with me!

It wasn't long before I was facing a myriad of painful emotions resulting from a severely abusive childhood. Like most children and then later as adults, I had relegated my experiences into the category of "everybody's life was like that". It was a long and grueling process to healing which included a period where I had pretty much shut down. If it hadn't been for Dan's support and the help of really good counselors, I think I would have spiraled down and required one or more periods of hospitalization. My journey was overwhelming at times, the pain seemed more than I could bear. I began the journey for my children - I knew that my emotional health was something that my children deserved. They deserved a mother that could give her best to them. Somewhere along the journey I realized that I too deserved the healing that would bring peace to my life.

As I continued on this journey, I became less and less able to handle the daily stresses of life and parenting. My husband stepped up and took over mothering and fathering for about a year. Every night I could hear him reassuring our kids that mom was going to be ok. He talked with them, had Bible study time nightly, and answered their questions the best he could. God helped him cope and helped me work through the process to healing.

My next major challenge was to put my degree to use and find a teaching job. Our kids were in Jr High I think. I had graduated in May of 1990 with my BS in Education and it was now 1995 and I began my search for an elementary teaching position. I did a lot of substitute teaching and finally was hired in 1998. I was a bit overwhelmed as a first year teacher. One of my children was a senior in high school and I did my best to balance senior activities with my job responsibilities. My husband was very supportive and helped me in any way I asked.

I should be clear here just in case I have given distorted picture. We continued to have our times of peace and times of conflict and misery. We both had selfish periods of time and had to re-adjust our focus repeatedly.

My next major challenge began around 2001. I began to have neurological symptoms that came and went. It was frightening. I didn't understand what was happening. Both of our children were in college by this time. I went to doctors and had tests run but no answers. I missed months of school. My symptoms progressed until I was unable to walk more than a few steps and had to use a wheelchair. This was the summer of 2003. I finally located a neurologist who did a thorough workup and diagnosed me with multiple sclerosis in August, 2003. He immediately put me in the hospital and treated me with IV solumedrol for 5 days. It worked! I was able to walk again and didn't need my wheelchair. My MS progressed with repeated flare-ups every 8-9 months. The IV treatments would help every time but not quite as much as the last time. Eventually, the treatment didn't help and I continued to use my wheelchair.

My husband wanted me to quit my job because he was concerned about my health. I knew that if I quit my job, I would battle with depression. He decided that if I was going to continue working, he would take over some of the duties at home. He began doing the cooking, grocery shopping and laundry. Then he added the cleaning! Like I said before, he has been very supportive of me.

Classroom teaching began to be too much for me physically, even with my hubby taking care of everything at home. God opened a door and I was given an opportunity to take the counselor's job at my school. What a blessing! The only catch was that I had to get my Master's degree in school counseling over a 3 year period. I started that summer and went full-time for two years while working full-time. I was on auto-pilot. I started having chronic bronchitis so that entailed at least one hospital stay each semester. I had to settle for a "B" in at least one class each semester. I didn't really care by now. I was more interested in what I learned and how I used it as I counseled students at school.

My next challenge was to deal with the 80 pounds I had gained from so many steroid treatments. At the beginning of 2008 I was 210 pounds! I couldn't believe it! Since I was in a wheelchair, I didn't have the option of exercise. We didn't have a pool and the Harding pool was too warm for me. (heat sensitivity is one the many symptoms of MS). I decided that I was going to limit my calories and over the next year I lost over 60 pounds.

I clearly remember Dan saying to me, "I don't think there is anything you can't do once you set your mind to do it" I'll admit it really felt good to hear him say that.

Working as a counselor was a dream job for me. It was not demanding physically and it was very rewarding. I've been blessed to be able to work several more years, resting up in the summers. This last year has been somewhat different. I have been extremely fatigued. I've had to consider the possibility of filing for disability. This is a struggle. I want to keep working but I can't live just to work. I have spent the last 3 months working and sleeping. I work, come home, rest, and go to sleep. I sleep most of Saturday and Sunday. I will be done in 2 days. This is hard for me. I have to face it but very slowly.

Goodness, I have rambled on and on! If you have read this far, you are a loyal reader.

Pictures coming soon of Rachel's visit.

Family, Friends, and life

My kids will be visiting very soon and I am so happy. My daughter and her two boys will be here next weekend and my son and his wife and two boys will be here in early June. I love my kids. I love their spouses. I LOVE my grandsons!! I have loved getting to know them and watching their individual, amazing personalities develop.

I've also been blessed with good friends but lately I haven't felt like a good friend. I just read a blog post that seemed as if the writer was reading my mind. As much as I wish they were my words and I could put them here, I'll have to settle for you going to her blog to understand. Read #6.

School is ending soon and while I love my job, I can't wait!!! This year I am more tired here at the end of school than I remember being any other year. I didn't work when my kids were young, in fact I got my college degree exactly 20 years after my high school degree, almost to the day. When I leave school each day, I ignore my plans and drive straight home. I miss my friends from Wednesday small group but I seem unable to force myself to go out again. It's been weeks!!

I am still sad about my legs. It seems ridiculous when I consider the facts. For 5 years I have needed to use my wheelchair for any distance beyond the length of a room. I was used to it and never gave it a second thought for years. I have a scooter for around town and a motorized chair for work so what's the problem? Well, for almost 3 months, I had not needed a wheelchair at all. I was able to walk the entire distance of our school over and over. I could walk several blocks and not have a problem. It happened gradually. I was at school and my legs felt stronger so I walked the distance from my office to one classroom and back. The next day I did it several times then it increased daily until I was walking all over our campus. I began walking into restaurants, stores, etc. It was great and I never felt like my legs were giving out on me - until the middle of April. One morning as I was walking around my house, I could feel that my legs were getting heavy again. I tried not to worry, surely it won't last long. It's been 3 weeks now.

Think about it! I had limited use of my legs for 5 YEARS, so what's the big deal? I already have the scooter and motorized chair. The three months were a gift. Be grateful and move on!! I think I've done that until I mention it or someone at school asks about my legs.

It's not that I don't realized how blessed my life has been.

It's . . . well it's, . . . um . . . I'm not sure what it is, I just hope I get over it and move on.

That's been my mantra all these years-- take time to grieve, assess the situation, decide what I CAN do, do it, and then move on.

Maybe I just needed to put it down in words.

"The World is Crying"

I read those words on facebook today and they express what I am feeling and could not find words of my own to use.

It rained all night and has rained all day today. Each drop is like the fallen tears of the many people who grieve for the Rine family. I can not imagine their grief. I can not fathom their emptiness at losing their daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, etc. I can not begin to grasp their rage at Thomas.

How could Thomas believe Satan's lies and choose to do something so tragic He obviously wanted his life to change. Now the lives of Thomas, his family, and all of Micah's family and friends are changed forever.

Prayer Request

Micah Rine Pate, the daughter of Dennis and Terri Rine and wife of Thomas Pate, is missing. She and Thomas live in Bartlett, TN, a suburb of Memphis. A missing persons report was filed late last night and the police are searching for her. She went for a run at 8:30 last night and has not been heard from or seen since. She left her vehicle, purse, cell phone and keys at the house.

Please pray for her safe return.

"Micah is missing" When I read those words I was stricken with the same terror for Dennis and Terri that I felt when my own children were small and I could not find them for 5 long seconds in the store. Once Michael was at my side and then slipped underneath the round clothing display. He was playing and I was terrified until I located him.

I never realized as a young parent that it does not change because your children grow up. Their well-being remains uppermost in my mind and anything less than their safety is terrifying.

Please pray for Micah and her family.

Are you talking to me?

I was in Wal-Mart recently driving along in the motorized shopping cart and verbalizing my thoughts quietly, as is my habit.

"What else do I need?
Oh that's right, permanent markers for a project at school.
No, I can get those next time, I need to hurry now.
Ok - get my list out, so I can get finished."

I was on this very long aisle that spans the whole store and I suddenly noticed this elderly lady ahead of me about ten feet. She looked back at me and then turned around quickly, taking hold of her cart firmly with both hands.

I didn't give it much thought and went on thinking (aloud) until I noticed her looking back at me again. By now I realized that she was feeling a bit nervous about me "following" her.

It was clear that she had heard me talking and wasn't quite sure what to make of me. She looked back one final time and then she turned sharply to the right and quickly disappeared from view.

It all struck me so funny that I just started laughing.

Spring Break Party

Well, actually only the last part of the week included a party. The first half of the week was reserved for several doctor appointments and a not-so-fun endoscopy. I'll find out the results tomorrow. I was forced to schedule them this week since I have run out of sick days for this school year.

Dan and I drove to Birmingham to spend a few days with Caleb and Ethan and celebrate their birthdays. Caleb turned 3 and Ethan turned 1. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them.

Ethan loves to eat!. We went out to dinner and Ethan noticed the appetizer menu which was in a triangle shaped stand. He picked it up and kept pointing to the crab cakes and asking for them. "Dat" he said repeatedly and he would make the sign for eating. Every time he said it he would look at a different person at the table. It was so cute because he just assumed that the food would appear in our hands and we would give it to him. When that didn't work, he turned to the next person. When the server came to our table, Ethan smiled real big and began bouncing up and down - - he was sure food was coming now. Alas, the server left to get our drinks and poor Ethan just couldn't believe his misfortune. We had given him bread but he knew better food was coming and the bread was no longer cutting it for him.

Caleb has become such a little man. His personality is much like his mama's was at his age and I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed watching their interactions. He absolutely loves to be read to. He had just been on his weekly trip to the library so he had a bookbag full of new choices. I read 4-5 books to him in one setting and his eyes never left the pages. I read to him many times during our short visit and I honestly believe he would sit there for hours as we read and even reread book after book. Caleb is a very active boy and loves to run, jump, and climb. He does not, however, like to be held or cuddled much. Much to my surprise, he jumped into my lap one evening and lay his head on my shoulder with his arms wrapped around my neck. He cuddled with me for about five minutes. Even better, he lifted his head and whispered into my ear, "I love you Nanna" several times before he decided to get down. I am still savoring those moments!

PARTY

They had a joint party with their own cakes. We had to move the party to the church because of rain. Caleb and his friends played Duck, Duck, Goose, Musical Chairs, and some other games. They had a lot of fun. We sang Happy Birthday to Caleb and then to Ethan. Caleb had to help Ethan out and blow out his candle for him. Caleb's eyes lit up when the group sang to him. I held Ethan and fed him his cake which he really enjoyed. Every time I gave him a bite, he would smile and go "mmmmmm". It was a nice party.

He's a Red-Head!!

For those of you who haven't heard, my newest grandson has red hair! Since both of my kids are red-heads, I am a bit partial. Jasper was born March 14th and weighed in at 7 lb 10 oz. and 19 1/2 " long.

I haven't seen him in person yet. but I can't wait!!

Thank you God

A woman came to me recently describing a period in her life when she battled with serious depression. I've known her for many years.

At that time in her life, she doubted herself, her value, and even God's existence. I nodded as she went on, understanding that she had been in a really hard place.

At that time, she was meeting with a counselor and was invited to a group that was meeting weekly to deal with a variety of issues.

It turns out that I was a part of that group and was working through some difficult issues relating to childhood abuse I had experienced.

As she became aware of the influence and level of evil that had existed in my life, she concluded that God MUST be present and active in our lives.

It was at that point that she began her walk back toward Him.

I was stunned!! God used those dark moments in my life to bless her which in turn, blessed her children.

Thank you Lord for being with me always, even when I don't have a clue.

I LOVE my iPhone

I do love my iPhone. I can check all 4 of my email accounts including my school account.

Facebook loads in about 10 seconds!

Park Smart is a program that records the location of my car when I go into the store and shows me a map back to my car. No more pressing my clicker until I hear my car or see it's lights flashing. :)

I have 3 versions of the Bible and the concordance searches the entire Bible in seconds for a word or phrase.

I have scrabble or sudoku for those long lines that everybody hates. I think I'm becoming ADD.

Web MD is at my fingertips. I hope that's a good thing.

Whether it's a thesaurus, dictionary, or encyclopedia - If I think of a question, my iPhone has the answer.

I recently added a Spanish translator and a sign language program.

It has a digital tape recorder and even a brain exerciser!!

Best of all, it has a digital photo album for those great photos of my grandsons.

What more could I ask for?

And the lucky number is . . . . 1 4 6

Battle of the Bulge

Food for Thought

2 Rules for a flat stomach

Yo Yo Dieting

. . . . on and on the phrases go and yet I had never given them much thought. After all, I had been skinny most of my life -- and no, that didn't make it any easier when I began to face weight gain. Yes, I was lucky that I didn't have to think about calories for decades. Even then, it was the result of megadoses steroids that caused me to gain more than 80 pounds in 3 years.

On January 1, 2008 I weighed 210 pounds. I was depressed, discouraged, and hopeless. I decided that there had to be a way for me to lose it. I researched the amount of calories burned at rest and depending upon which source I believed, it seemed to be between 1800 and 2200 every 24 hours. I was very limited as far as exercise because of my MS.

I decided that I would limit my daily caloric intake to 800-1000 calories daily. I allowed myself about 150 calories for breakfast, 200 for lunch, 200-300 for dinner. I had two snacks a day and totaled my calories every evening. I found that it helped me to write down every single bite I took each day.

I started losing gradually and soon I had lost 20 pounds. Dan noticed right away, which helped alot. Even as I lost the next 20-30 pounds, most of my work and church friends couldn't tell. I was always sitting in my wheelchair so it was harder to notice. I didn't mind, I just kept at it. By September I had lost 55 pounds and people were noticing.

Now, here it is February, and I have lost 64 pounds!!

I was in a hurry as I got on the scales this morning and I froze when I saw 146. I rechecked it about 6 times but it was true. If you've read this far, you must care about me or be really bored.

I, on the other hand, am so excited and grateful. I just have a few more pounds left to go.

:)

:)

:)

Break Dancing Boy

I wish you could have been here. As we all sat around the living room, Bennett began to dance, casually at first, and then he got fired up and began dancing up a storm. He was so cute and we started laughing. Soon we were all laughing (Nanna, Papa, mom, and dad).

It seemed like our laughter energized him as he went faster and faster. He began to move toward the right as his arms and hips were swinging back and forth. I was holding my side by this time. As soon as he covered the distance of the living room, he spun around and twisted his way back to his original spot.

By now we were all gasping as we laughed. I remember thinking - I wish we had video taped this - I didn't say anything because I fully expected him to quit any second.

He had no intention of quitting. On and on he went, covering the span of the living room several more times. It was hysterical!!

All of a sudden, he dropped to the floor and began some kind of roll, push, roll break dance. I couldn't believe my eyes!! He navigated the span of the room several more times.

We laughed and laughed. According to his parents, he had never done this before and hasn't since. He was quite the entertainer!! (I think they said he had danced before - but never put on this kind of show)

We had a great visit. They had come the weekend before Thanksgiving. I feel blessed to get the chance to see my family. Rachel's family came in October, Michael's family came that weekend, and I flew to Ohio to see my sisters over Thanksgiving. I didn't take my camera to Ohio but I will be posting pictures of Bennett real soon.

You should have seen him!

The Election Through the Eyes of a Child

I have viewed this election through the eyes of children and I do not like what I saw.

I am a counselor for a middle school and we had a mock election a few days before the real one. Our students have been learning about political parties, running mates, and the electoral college. Our social studies teachers led discussions and spoke positively about both candidates.


In our mock election, Barak Obama won. It was quite interesting that he won by a margin that was very close to his margin of victory in the national election. We have about 500 students in our 5th and 6th grade school.


I am saddened by the response of our McCain supporting students to the Obama supporting students. I had a number of students come to me because they were frightened by the statements that were made about Obama. They were hurt by the names they personally were called.

They were anxious and frightened by the number of times they heard, “assasinate Obama”.
These are 10 and 11 year old students! Parents, no matter who you supported in this election, you owe it to your children to be respectful of each candidate. Think about what you are saying around your children. Think about the impact of your words.

How sad.

40 Years Ago

I copied this idea from Deana's blog. I thought it was a really cool idea.

40 Years Ago (1968)

I was a sophomore at Cuyahoga Falls High School. I ironed my hair every morning and it still curled up on humid days. I worked every weekend at pizza take-out. I was trying to decide who to invite to the Twirp Dance. Our music and drama departments performed, "My Fair Lady".

30 Years Ago (1978)

Dan and I were married in March. I had left college and was living in California. Dan and I came back to Searcy in May for Diane's wedding and Dan decided to enroll in the preaching school at Harding. We moved to Searcy the next summer. Dan took a weekend preaching job in North Arkansas. It took us over two hours to drive there. We stayed all day and ate dinner with different families. Our daughter was born in 1979 and the church was so small and rural that it did not have any indoor plumbing. It was quite a learning experience.

20 Years Ago (1988)

I had two children (9 and 7) Diane and Mike had moved to Searcy about 4 years earlier. It was so nice to be living in the same town again. It sure saved a lot on long distance phone bills.

I think this was the year Dan and I took our kids to Disneyworld. Dan had enrolled in Harding College after preaching school and he was finally finished!!!

10 Years Ago (1998)

My daughter was a freshman at Harding and my son was a junior in high school. I had finished with my education degree several years before and I finally got a teaching job. I was tired of subbing and so happy to have a permanent job!

5 Years Ago (2003)

My daughter and her husband had spent their first year of marriage teaching English in China. They were married about 10 days when they left for China. I was soooo happy to have them back in the USA. My son was a newlywed and he and his wife were seniors in college.

I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in August. I struggled with my current and potential disability and whether I could continue as a school teacher. I was blessed with the opportunity to take the position of school counselor at my school. I hurriedly began the course work to become a certified school counselor. I was diagnosed with COPD six months later.

1 Year Ago (2007)

I love my job as a school counselor! I have two beautiful grandsons. Both are blue-eyed blonds. I have another grandson on the way. I was sick with bronchitis for nearly the entire fall semester.


That brings me to October 2008.

My last post has photos of a wonderful visit with my daughter's family. I also have another grandchild on the way (my son's 2nd child) I am blessed and very thankful.

I didn't realize . . .

Last week was such a difficult week at work. I began to doubt my ability to maintain the stamina required to meet the needs of the students in my care. Beginning with neglect and hostility and then on to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse at the hands of the very people whose job it is to care for and nurture these children.

I listen. I comfort. I answer their questions the best I can. I point them to hope and a better life ahead. I call the abuse hot line.

One girl came back to me the next morning asking, "why didn't DHS come to my house? They said they would come. I'm afraid to go home. Time to call a supervisor.

This week has been so different. Girls fighting with their friends, competing over the same guy. Boys being bullied or bullying others. Families dealing with divorce. Boys and girls dealing with the normal adjustments of middle school. While each problem was disturbing to the individual, I felt better able to offer what they needed. I felt more sure of my decisions and responses.

Frankly, both kinds of weeks are difficult in their own way, but last week required me to draw from resources deeper within.

Then a teacher stopped me in the hall. She said, "Vicky, you are what I have always pictured a counselor to be. You do such a good job with our children."

Then I remembered last week when I shared my feelings of discouragement with another teacher friend. Her immediate response was, "but Vicky, you can't quit, you are so good with these kids. They need you".

I didn't realize . . .until I was reminded. I am making a difference even when I can't recognize it myself.

Thank you my teacher friends. You really encouraged me and you may never know how much.

My first visit to Harding

It was spring or summer of 1976. My friends Diane, Rose, and I climbed in Diane's car and drove from Ohio to Arkansas. I remember as we drove into town on E. Race I saw this large billboard that said, COMING SOON - - McDonalds!!

We left after work on Friday and had to be at work again on Monday morning. It was a whirlwind weekend.


I loved it here! The campus was so beautiful! It was Harding College at that time. Dr. Ganus was the president and Dr. Benson was still very active on campus. One of the first offices I visited was Ted Altman, who was the dean of students. I think Maribeth Downing was the Dean of Women.

Jerry Jones was head of the Bible department and he had spoken at our church in NE Ohio. Harding sounded like a place we wanted to experience.

We decided that we were coming to Harding. Diane sold her car and I moved out of my apartment. We gathered our belongings, packed them in a small U-haul and the parent of another friend drove us all to Harding in time for the Fall semester.

Rose and I moved into the "New Dorm" (later to become Sears) and I think Diane moved into Patti Cobb.

There was a big cafeteria rivalry between Heritage and Patti Cobb (in the basement of the dorm). PC was known for it's home style atmosphere and Heritage for it's better food.

The lily pool had no lilies but the fountain of water was beautiful and we gathered around the pool often for devotionals.

I have so many more memories....

Worn Out

I am so tired tonight. We had open house at school today so we were at school until after 7 PM. I enjoyed meeting the kids and their parents.

Sometimes I have a hard time mustering up the energy but I also can't imagine not having this job that I love.

I think a 4 day work week would be good.

The Shack

I had been hearing about this book for quite a while. Some friends loved it. Others would not even finish reading it. Yet all who did finish said the same thing, "If you come to a part and don't like the book, you may be tempted to just quit reading. Don't quit. If you force yourself to finish, you won't be sorry.

I wish I could write like my daughter. She adds so much flavor to the things she writes about. She makes me feel like I am there with her. I will do my best to express myself and am at peace that it will be enough.

Once I began reading, I could hardly put it down. It's message reached inside my heart more than once and changed my thinking. I am challenged to view many things in ways I have never considered. The word "relationship", for example, has taken on a new meaning. A meaning so wide and deep that it consists of many layers and directions.

The painful experiences throughout my life have taken on a slightly different perspective. My history has not changed, but my view of it's events has enabled me to feel a peace that I can not adequately describe.

I will have more to say as I am able to process the thoughts whirling in my head.

More on The Shack

One of the blessings I received as I read this book relates to someone from my past. I was totally unprepared because as far as I was concerned, this person deserved whatever came their way.

For the first time, I understand that God loves them as much as He loves me. People have said that to me in the past and I inwardly responded with, "you don't understand". Occasionally it was an outward response which included my plea of, "God wouldn't ask that of me".

Now that has changed. God does love that person. He really does. I believe that and I am at peace about it. While I'll never have a relationship with them, I feel completely at peace about them, and that part of my life.

I posted these two messages under two link headings (The Shack, Changed My Life) because I have shared with many people about how the message of this book has changed my life. I forget to tell some that the name of the book was The Shack.

Here is a link to the website for "The Shack"

I AM ME

Virginia Satir was an internationally-known therapist, teacher, and author. Her vision was to help empower people to reach their full potential.

Virginia came to write this poem when she was working with an angry fifteen-year-old girl who had a lot of questions about herself and what life meant.

Her poem is a favorite of mine and I have used parts of it many times while working with students.

I Am Me

In all the world, there is no one exactly like me.
There are persons who have some parts like me,
but no one adds up exactly like me.

Therefore, everything that comes out of me
is authentically mine because I alone choose it.
I own everything about me
including everything it does;
including all its thoughts and ideas;
including the images of all they behold;
whatever they may be...
anger,
joy,
frustration,
love,
disappointment,
excitement
and all the words that come out of it
polite,
sweet or rough,
correct or incorrect;
loud or soft.
And all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own all my triumphs and successes,
all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me I can become intimately acquainted with me.
By doing so I can love me and be friendly with me in all parts.
I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me,
and other aspects that I do not know.
But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself,
I can courageously and hopefully, look for solutions to the puzzles
and for ways to find out more about me.

By Virginia Satir